


Daddy Issues

by canadino



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5088252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadino/pseuds/canadino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A twofer anthology of daddy issues.<br/>[1] Pick on someone your own size.<br/>[2] You're old enough to be my dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is GinTaka, second chapter is HaseGin. It's low-key.

Before Shouyou is taken away from them, they are fifteen, and they’re well into that rebellious period where they don’t stop when an adult tells them to and Takasugi still comes up to Shouyou’s side respectfully and asks him for advice on the most mundane things like what they ought to eat for lunch or which direction he should stand when he’s hunting rabbits. Gintoki thinks he could tell him the answers to these questions and a whole lot of other things, only Takasugi doesn’t bother asking the boys his age about things like that. Gintoki stands a distance away, because Takasugi gets angry when other boys compete with him for Shouyou’s attention, and he gets petty about it and sticks his foot in your path or pinches you when you walk past. Gintoki is starting to think he likes fighting with Takasugi and the strange little thrill that starts from his chest when Takasugi looks at him. But if Takasugi is being mean because of Shouyou, that makes it feel different. “I don’t get it,” he grumbles to Katsura, because Katsura is very agreeable. “Why is Takasugi so sweet on Sensei?”

Katsura smiles like he knows, which is a look that comes naturally to him even if he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “It’s because Sensei is like a father to him.”

“So? Sensei’s like a father to all of us. He’s like a father to me.”   


“Sure, but he’s not _like_  a father to you; he practically is. But it’s different for Takasugi. His father’s still alive. But Sensei is different.”  


“I don’t get it.”   


“You can’t miss something you’ve never had,” Katsura says, in a tone like he’s reciting from Shouyou’s lesson book. “You never knew your father, so Shouyou is your father. My father died when I was very young and he’s with my ancestors now so I know not to worry about him. But Takasugi - he’s different. His father’s still alive. And Sensei is different from his father. You get it?”  


“No.”  


Katsura pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t give up, Gintoki!” At times like this, Gintoki thinks Katsura is insufferable. 

The class collects water in twos, because even at fifteen, children can only do one thing at once: carry water or defend themselves from vagrants or wild animals. Even though Gintoki is better at the sword, Takasugi makes him carry the bucket. Gintoki already anticipates that yards from the school, Takasugi will make a big show about carrying the weight so Shouyou sees him exerting himself to pour the water into the bath. The thought makes him mad, but he channels that into his aching muscles that hoist the heavy wooden bucket. “We’ve got to hurry,” Takasugi is saying. “Sensei says that he’s gotten his hands on a very precious text he wants to read to us and I want to make sure he can get to the end of it after dinner, so we’ve got to get the bath ready as soon as possible.”

“Ugh,” Gintoki says, because his right arm suddenly cramps. Takasugi looks at him but doesn’t really offer to help. “Eh? And will you be sitting right next to him like a little loyal puppy?”  


“Why do you say it like that? You’re being mean. Sensei has a right and a left side, you know.”   


That makes him even madder. Gintoki puts the bucket down on the ground. This purposeful delay in returning to the school makes Takasugi come closer, frowning. “What’s wrong? Are you tired already? I knew you couldn’t be helped.” 

Takasugi is relentless. Once he has his mind wrapped around an idea, he doesn’t let it go, like a wild cat who steels its jaw once its fangs sink in. It’s that perseverance that gets him to catch Gintoki’s eye. Gintoki is stubborn, but only when it doesn’t inconvenience him; Takasugi is stubborn all the way to the end on principle. Sometimes that isn’t an attractive feature for him. “Will you ever think of anyone else besides Sensei?” Gintoki yells. Takasugi is standing very close to him, his hands in fists by his side waiting for the fight to happen. Gintoki kisses him, but it may as well be a punch; he’s nervous and misjudges the distance so their mouths knock together painfully and he doesn’t stop moving so their foreheads crack together and Takasugi lets out a cry. He backs away quick as if Gintoki had attempted on his life. Gintoki grabs the bucket again and rushes off as fast as his feet can carry him with a weight at his side. 

After dinner, Shouyou declares that he must look over the manuscript first before he reads it - “I can’t be reading anything naughty to children, can I? I must inspect the material first.” - but Gintoki thinks it might have been a ploy to free up the evening to speak with him. He wanders into the clearing behind the school where Gintoki practices his swordplay by himself every night. 

“Gintoki,” he says calmly. “It is a nice night, isn’t it?”  


Shouyou isn’t stupid, so there’s no doubt he hasn’t observed that Takasugi is uncharacteristically more anxious around Gintoki now, taking great lengths to avoid brushing fingers at the table and looking away before Gintoki turns his head to keep from meeting eyes. Takasugi is a proud little master and he’d rather bite his tongue off and die than say some things. But Shouyou has to know. “It’s alright,” Gintoki says. 

“Sit with me,” Shouyou says, gently, but it’s a command. Gintoki lays his sword down and situates himself down on the porch next to Shouyou. “This may be a strange question, but you’ll forgive me for asking. But what is it you want most?”  


“That you and me continue wandering Japan together until we die,” Gintoki says.   


Shouyou looks at him for a very long, quiet time. “I’m glad,” he says. “That makes me very happy to hear.” The silence after he says this indicates it’s a pause; there’s something taunt in the air, waiting to be released. “Is that what you want most in the world?”

“Yes,” Gintoki says, a little confused. Then he thinks; it’s what he wants most in the world, but there are other things he wants too, second best - he wants to win against Takasugi so decidedly that the boy can’t make up excuses like if the floor hadn’t been so uneven he could have won, or how he’d already fought Katsura so he was tired. But he also wants to feel Takasugi’s hand when it isn’t curled up and colliding with his face or when he’s being roughly grabbed out of Shouyou’s way. “Yes, that’s what I want most.”  


“Okay.” Shouyou is trying to make him say it, but hell - Gintoki’d rather bite his tongue off too. “What else do you want the most?”  


“I can’t want anything else the most. The most is the most.”  


“You’re tricky, Gintoki,” Shouyou laughs.   


“What do you want me to say? Tell me and I’ll say it.”  


“Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps you want to clash swords with the best swordsman in Japan? And you can’t say you’re the best; I always say to stay humble because the world is so vast so there is always someone better. Or perhaps you want to see other places besides Japan? Or - you’d like to settle down with someone, have a family? You’re young, but you’ve never had a home of your own and - I regret I can’t give that to you.” He looks at Gintoki and in the darkness, his eyes are unreadable. “But you can still find someone and stay with them.”   


The thought of living with Takasugi, just the two of them, feels so impossible. “I can’t,” Gintoki hears himself saying. “That’s ridiculous. I have you, Sensei. And I can’t have a family. I don’t know what that’s like. Kids, a wife - I’m...I’m not a father.” That’s the kicker; he isn’t a father, so Takasugi won’t look at him. That hurts.

“You don’t need to be a father.” Shouyou - he knows.   


“Sensei,” says Takasugi, and he’s lingering at the sliding doors. He won’t come closer if Gintoki is there. Gintoki isn’t one to run from a fight, but he finds his feet moving him so he’s grabbing his sword and moving further into the yard away from the school and Shouyou and Takasugi’s fanatical respect. Gintoki swings with all his might. It makes him tired, but it doesn’t make him feel better.   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're old enough to be my dad."

“Hey,” Gintoki says when they’re at a bar, “you could be old enough to be my father.”  


Hasegawa knows an insult when he hears one. He’s heard many, of various degrees of vitriol, slung his way ever since he’s taken up residency at the local public park and being a general waste to society. “How old are you?” he asks, to lead the direction of the conversation less toward his inadequacy as a human being. 

“Twenty-six,” Gintoki says.  


“Sorry,” Hasegawa says. “Even at twenty-two, I would be smarter than that to knock up a girl if I wasn’t married to her yet. And I was still a wet-nosed young idiot at twenty-two. No man should ever make a girl suffer by marrying her when he doesn’t have a steady job or long term savings to support the family with.”  


“Mmm,” Gintoki says. “You’re a theoretically responsible old man. I bet your dream is to come home and loosen your tie and put down your briefcase and have your sweet little wife come and ask you if you’d like dinner or a bath first. But really, you help your tyke with his homework and pat him on the head once he gets his answers right. That’s hot.”  


Hasegawa has no idea what to say to that, so he orders another bottle of sake on his tab even though he doesn’t have the money to close it. 

In reality, Gintoki cashes his tab, because Gintoki’s just finished a job and in return, Hasegawa follows him home with promise of darker liquors and finds himself sharing a single beer between the two of them and fucking Gintoki on one of the couches in his sitting room. “Hey,” Gintoki says again, in between breaths, so his voice is a little higher pitched than usual. “Teach me something.”

“Uh,” Hasegawa says, trying to think of something other than the warmth inside Gintoki and how they say if you’re not fit enough to climb a flight of stairs you shouldn’t be having sex. He’s not really out of breath - it’s just that good, is all. “What do you mean?”  


“Throw down some fatherly wisdom,” Gintoki says.   


What the hell is going on, Hasegawa wants to say. Instead, he thrusts his hips and says, “Invest while you’re young.” Somehow that is a severe turn-on, the talk about finances, because Gintoki moans like Hasegawa’s grown two sizes in the span of two seconds. This is getting more and more bizarre, but Gintoki is looking up at him with the most glorious of eyes and his hand is sliding down his stomach - toned, damn him; youth were always so full of vigor and spirit - and down to where they connected. “Uh, but do your research first...so you can tell if it’s a reputable company so you’re not throwing your money into stock that will fail in a few months.” Honestly, the only money Hasegawa’s thrown is into horse racing, and Gintoki knows this, but right now, this is what’s good. 

“Yeah,” Gintoki says breathlessly. “Tell me more about my money, daddy.”  


“Daddy?” Hasegawa blurts, in mid-thrust. It’s such a dose of cold water, to be referred to as a father, that he thinks he goes a little limp. Gintoki frowns.  


“Don’t ruin this,” he says, his voice falling down to his normal octaves. He’s still as turned on as when they started. He grinds his hips and reminds Hasegawa he’s still got the tip in. “What about money?”  


This is seriously a lot but in these circumstances, Hasegawa doesn't have much choice. “You may think you’ve got it all in the bag, a good government job and a nice pension and you’re saving up for that first kid and their college education, but once you lose that job and you’re forced to liquidate because you’ve taken out loans you thought you had years to repay, you lose all of it immediately. Then you’re out on the streets and selling everything you got.”

“Everything?” Gintoki says. His voice is just vapid enough to indicate this isn’t actually a serious conversation that’s happening between them. “Like...my body included?”  


“Especially your body,” Hasegawa says lowly, and he feels Gintoki tighten around him.   


“I’ve been bad,” Gintoki drawls. “I’m making money but I’ve got to be paying rent and my underlings and the bills but I’m out every night drinking it away and playing pachinko. I always default my rent and I haven’t paid off my wages in weeks. I don’t care at all what you tell me.”   


“Is that so?” Gintoki is lying there, but he’s licking his lips and biting his fingers, like someone coy and naughty and - it’s something Hasegawa doesn’t have much time to read that much into. “It looks like someone’s asking for some punishment.”  


“Yeah.” Gintoki throws a leg over the back of the couch. “And it’s got to be real bad or else I won’t learn.”   


Hasegawa feels a smirk carve itself onto his face despite himself. “I’m not a man prone to violence, but a parent doesn’t love their child unless they want them to do better.” 

(Afterwards, Hasegawa lies on his back and stares at the ceiling and thinks about how he is a man who has personally paved his own way into hell. “Don’t have kids,” Gintoki says.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got 'em!! Thanks for reading, and leave a comment if you liked it!


End file.
